


Constellations

by lordofthepringles



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-06 07:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordofthepringles/pseuds/lordofthepringles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid makes a choice which he comes to regret. The stars guide him back to where he needs to be. </p><p>(Set after Bob makes Reid choose between Luke or his job).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Reid stepped into the shower and felt the heat and tiny pricks on his skin. He stood there letting the stress and tensions fade away. He had just done a eight hour surgery with no breaks and felt the exhaustion to his bones.

He stepped out, dressed, and headed back to his office to grab his laptop.

Luke was standing at his window peering out.

"What are you doing here, Luke?"

"Why didn't you fight for me?"

"Luke, now is really not the time for this conversation. I haven't eaten in eight hours, haven't slept in nearly thirty-six, and I have a migraine."

"Well, eventually you are going to have talk to me, you can't avoid me forever."

"I haven't been avoiding you. I've been doing this little thing called my job."

"Oh, don't remind me. Your job, the one you chose instead of having a relationship with me. Believe me I know."

Reid sighed and brought his hand to his neck. He could feel the tension and stress building again in his shoulders.

"Seriously, Luke. Shut up. Go home and whine to hot mom. I am going home and sleeping."

Reid grabbed his things, took one look back at Luke who was still fuming and left.

Sixteen hours later Reid walked into Javas from coffee. He got his usual and was reading the paper in the corner.

"Reid, thank God. I've been looking all over for you."

Reid looked up to see Katie pushing Jacob in his stroller.

Reid looked at her warily.

"You have? Why?"

"I need someone to watch Jacob for a few hours. We had a huge mix-up with some tapes at the station and I have to go there, like yesterday to help fix it. Please, Reid. I know today is your first day off in months, but please I'm begging you."

"Okay, Katie. First of all, remember we talked about breathing when we speak more than a sentence at a time. Secondly, of course I'll watch him."

Katie squealed then and hugged him.

"Thank you so much, I promise I'll make it up to you. "

Reid just shooed her away and wheeled Jacob to his table.

Katie beamed at him one last time before she bounced out of Javas.

"You're mom is one crazy lady, Jacob."

Jacob just gurgled and smiled back at him,

"Yeah, I love her too, regardless."

"Wow, the great Reid Oliver actually has a good relationship?"

Reid looked up to see Dr. Bob Hughes smiling at him.

"Don't let it get out, Bob. We can't have that kind of scandal at the hospital."

Kim walked in behind Bob and smiled at Reid who immediately did a double take.

"Hello, Dr. Oliver."

"Hello… Mrs. Hughes."

Kim nudged Bob rather forcefully then and headed to the counter to order their drinks.

"Is there something you needed Bob?"

"Actually, yes. It seems my wife found out about the ultimatum I gave you and she is under the impression it may have been wrong of me to do so."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means that according to her, "He needs all the help he can get in the social department and to take away the one place where he is getting it, is not only cruel, it's also a disservice to all his patients at the hospital."

"So let me get this straight, the only reason I would be allowed to have a relationship with Luke Snyder is to help improve my social skills so that my bedside manner got better?"

Reid laughed incredulously.

"Well would rather continue not seeing him?"

"Well, Bob. Even if I did want to see him, I don't think we are even in a place anymore, where we would work. So if it's all the same to you, I'd rather just do my job and be left the hell alone."

Reid picked up his coffee cup, threw it away and wheeled Jacob out of Javas. He took Jacob to the park and sat on a bench.

"You know Jacob, adults really are screwed up. You should stay as little as possible for as long as you can."

"Talking to yourself, Reid?"

Reid looked up to see Luke smiling at him with that brighter than sunshine smile.

Every time Luke smiled and flashed him those dimples, Reid felt his heart constrict a little.

"Just doing a little babysitting for Katie."

Luke shuffled closer and Reid could see a little dark haired boy hiding behind his leg.

"Did you steal one from the pediatric ward, Luke?"

"Very funny, Reid. This is my brother, Ethan." Luke moved to unpin Ethan's arms from around his leg.

"Can you say hi to Reid, Ethan?"

Ethan shook his head and tried to hide again.

"Come on, I promise he doesn't bite."

Ethan raised his head and looked at Reid with the same deep brown eyes as Luke.

"I have a pony. His name is Pancho Villa."

"Why in the world did you name your pony Pancho Villa?"

"I didn't. Luke did. It was his pony first."

"How old is this pony?"

"Seventeen."

Reid turned to look at Luke who was grinning.

"Why in the world did you name your pony Pancho Villa?"

"Because I was watching The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles one day and they mentioned his name. And it stuck with me."

Reid just shook his head.

"Will you push me on the swings?"

"You don't want your brother to do it?"

"No, he never pushes high enough."  
"I guess that means I have to then."

Luke just smiled and waved them off and sat down beside Jacob's stroller.

"So Ethan, how old are you?"

"Four and a half."

"Wow, you're going to be driving soon."

"No. My mom told me I had to wait for like twelve years to drive. That's forever."

"Well it will come sooner than you realize."

Reid started pushing Ethan then who was swinging his legs and giggling.

He looked over to see Luke who had taken Jacob out of his stroller and was walking with him bouncing him up and down.

Damn he looked good with a baby. Wait, what? Reid shook his head to clear his mind of the unwanted thoughts that seemed to creep up on him whenever he watched Luke.

Twenty minutes later, Reid and Ethan were both wiped out after Reid felt like he had run the gauntlet.

Reid walked back over to the bench and sat down beside Luke who watched Ethan playing in the sandbox.

They sat in comfortable silence, until Luke reached his hand out, grabbed Reid's hand, and gently caressed the back of it with his thumb.

Reid removed his hand and put it in his lap.

"Are you ever going to talk to me, Reid?"

"I don't know what you want me to say. I think it's pretty self explanatory."

"Really? The reason why you decided you would rather keep your job than be with me is self explanatory? Well I'm having a hard time explaining it to myself, so maybe you should try."

"I don't think the most appropriate time to have this is right now, Luke."

"When would you prefer we have it? You won't return my phone calls or see me when I ask you."

"Just give me some time, Luke. I need time to sort out everything that has happened over the past few weeks. That's the best I can do."

Luke sighed and got up.

"Come on Ethan, it's time to go home."

"Okay! Bye Reid!"

"Bye, kiddo."

Luke looked took one last look back at Reid with sad eyes and then turned and left.

Reid's heart felt heavy and as he and Jacob walked back to Katie's he couldn't help but wonder if he had made a huge mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid was sitting as his desk eating a sandwich, going over the final paperwork for his latest surgery when he heard a knock at his door.

"It's open."

"So you really are trying to work yourself into an early grave. Don't let me stop you."

Reid looked up annoyed by the intrusion of one Dr. Chris Hughes.

"Was there something you actually needed, Doogie?"  
"I plan on asking Katie out."

"Why are you telling me?"

"Because if she says yes, we'll need a babysitter."

"Well that all depends on her saying yes, Doogie."

"Oh, she will."  
Reid just rolled his eyes.

"I'll worry about it when it actually comes to that. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to finish this, because I have back to back consultations the rest of the afternoon."

Chris just shook his head in disbelief and left.

He texted Katie as soon as he left,

He is going to kill himself with all this work.

I know, but he won't listen to anyone. I think when he chose his job; he felt he had nowhere or no one to turn to.

We need to fix this.

I agree.

An hour later Reid felt his blackberry buzz in the pocket of his lab coat.

Hey Reid, can you babysit tonight? Chris asked me out.

Wow, Reid had to give Doogie credit. He really did it.

I get off at six; I'll be there shortly after that.

Thanks! I promise to make it up to you.

Reid wasn't even upset about having to spend the evening with Jacob. He didn't talk back and he didn't make faces at him when he made his special sandwiches.

As Reid walked into the house, he felt relieved to be home.

He walked in to see Katie putting on her earrings and heels.

"Reid, I'm so glad you're here. Listen. I totally forgot, but I promised Margo that Jacob could spend the evening with her over a week ago. Completely slipped my mind."

"Does this mean I have the house to myself?"

"It means you have a free night and Chris has an extra ticket to the Planetarium show the college is putting on. I know how much you like looking at the stars, Reid."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're always watching shows about constellations and astronomy and when we drive anywhere at night I hear you picking them when think I'm not looking."  
"Okay fine. Yeah, I like astronomy and the stars. I'm a science nerd. But I really don't want to tag along on your date."

"Oh, don't worry. We're going on our date without you. But you should consider going on your own. Seriously, Reid. You need to have some fun. You've been working yourself to death these past few days. Live a little."

"I think I'd rather sit here and watch the Cubs lose again."

"Suit yourself, but there is free refreshments there."

With that, Katie was out the door to drop Jacob off at Margo's house.

Stupid women and their constant meddling.

He looked at the ticket sitting on the island.

Could he? No, he couldn't show up alone. He'd look pathetic and desperate.

He paced back and forth for about an hour, until he finally decided what the hell.

He jumped in the shower, changed into dress pants and a dress shirt.

He was going out alone for the first time since med school.

He got the directions to the planetarium off his gps and headed to the college.

After maneuvering around to find parking, he headed for the show, which was ready to start any minute.

He walked into the building to see it relatively quiet. That was strange since the ticket clearly stated tonight was the special premiere.

He saw signs for the show though and headed down the semi lit hall.

He finally came to the double doors and entered them.

He was met by an usher who looked at his ticket and led him to his seat.

There was no one there except a lone figure sitting toward the back shrouded in darkness.

Odd, he thought, but sat down anyway.

Within mere minutes, the show started and Reid grew very suspicious. This felt a little too coincidental.

So he got up to leave.

"Leaving so soon, Reid?"

Reid sighed and sat back down. He had been set up by Katie and Doogie of all people.

She is so going to pay for this.

"Can I leave?"

"You could try, but the doors are locked."

"And why are they locked?"

"Because I wanted them that way."

"So you've kidnapped me twice now."

"Don't think of this as a kidnapping so much as an intervention."

"You think I need an intervention?"

"Yes. You are going to kill yourself one of these days and I'm going to be damned if I'm going to just sit around and watch you do it. I know that you don't want to be with me, but I'm still going to be here regardless and I'm not going to let you put yourself in an early grave."

"And what is your plan to stop me?"

"I'll keep you here as long as it takes for you to realize that throwing yourself in work is not the answer, Reid."

"Oh and you suddenly know what is?"

"I know that you have a huge capacity to love and to care. I know, because I've felt it. And while I may not be the lucky one to share that with you, I know that someone else will and it would be a travesty to put your light out before they even got a chance to meet you. And think of all the lives that you won't be able to save, because you burnt yourself out. "

"Luke, I" Reid's voice trailed off.

"What, Reid? I, what?"

"I don't know what to say. You confound me, damnit. I don't understand you at all. I tell you I don't want to be with you, and yet here you are even now trying to help me."

"It's who I am, Reid. You should know better than anyone, what I would do for those I love."

"Love." Reid let out a derisive laugh as soon as he said that word.

"Reid, it's not funny."

"Oh believe me, I know it's not. Your version of love and mine are completely different."

"Reid, you never even-"

"I know, I didn't let you explain what I saw between you and Noah. And frankly, I don't give a damn. I told you countless times exactly what I wanted. I let you know my feelings for you and you jerked me around. Six weeks ago I would've listened to your excuses and because I was so blindly in love with you, I would've forgiven and jumped back on the crazy train, but no more. I don't have the energy to listen to your excuses, take you back in my arms and bed, only for you to turn around and run back to his arms and his bed. I'm not doing it anymore, Luke. I deserve better."

"And that is why you chose your job?"

"Yes, that is why I chose my job. Plus I love my job, I'm good at it, and I don't feel constant insecurity when I'm doing it."

"So, you're saying it was the safe choice?"

"Clearly."

"God we are both morons."

"Speak for yourself, there boy. I am a certified card carrying Mensa member. I'm a genius."

"Just because you are intelligent does not mean you aren't a moron."

"I think the actual definition is someone with significant learning disabilities."

"God, you are such a dork."

"Well thanks for calling me a penis, Luke."

"Shut up, Reid. I swear to God…"

"Why are you being such a jackass?"

"Because it's who I am. Why are you being such a pissant?"

"You know what, fine. Forget I said anything. Clearly this was a mistake."

"No… I was promised a show. I want the damn show."

Luke just rolled his eyes and motioned to the projectionist to start the show.

Soon the room was darkened and the stars appeared on the ceiling.

Reid lay down on his back and watched the stars in their flight.

He took a finger and started tracing constellations.

"What constellation is that?"

"This is Pegasus. The story is that Medusa, when she had her head cut off by Perseus had a beautiful white horse fly out, and she became Pegasus. "

"How do you know so much about astronomy?"

"When I was little my dad used to star gaze in the summer with a telescope. I was naming constellations at six years old."

"So you were a chess prodigy and a star naming wizard?"

"I told you, Luke. I was a prodigy."

Luke lay down next to Reid then.

"Are there any other constellations I should know about."

Reid scooted closer to Luke then and took his hand. He used Luke's hand in his own to trace the outline of another constellation.

"That is Lyra."

"And what is significant about Lyra?"

"Lyra tells the story of Orpheus, the son of Apollo, who was the god of music and light. When he was very young Mercury, the messenger of the gods, fashioned a lyre out of tortoise shell and blessed Apollo with it. Knowing that his son was very gifted, Apollo gave it to Orpheus. So beautiful was his music that he could charm all creatures and inanimate objects alike. Orpheus fell in love with and married Eurydice, who on their wedding celebration was bitten by a grass in the snake and died. Devastated and heartbroken, his music became increasingly sad. He went to the underworld ruled by Hades and Persephone and charmed them with his music. His goal was to bring Eurydice back. Because of his beautiful music, Persephone and Hades allowed Eurydice to return with Orpheus. However, their one stipulation was that he was not allowed to look upon her face until they had both escaped the underworld. Overjoyed, Orpheus and Eurydice made their quick departure, however, realizing that Eurydice could not keep up with him, Orpheus turned back in panic and watched as Eurydice was ripped back into the underworld. Orpheus never recovered and spent the rest of his days playing sad, sorrowful songs. The other women in the area he played for became jealous and desperate to fill the void Eurydice had left in his soul. They women became increasingly mad as all their efforts failed and his music was able to thwart everything. Eventually they joined forces and screamed so loud it drowned out his music allowing them to stab him to death. When they had killed him, they threw him and his lyre into the river. Orpheus was free to spend eternity with Eurydice. Zeus having seen this awful thing, called forth his vultures to retrieve the lyre from the river and place it in the heavens to show the power of undying and unyielding love. "

As Reid finished his story, he realized he was still holding Luke's hand. Luke was watching him with admiration.

"That was beautiful, Reid."

Reid quickly removed his hand and scooted away from Luke,

"Well, I'm only repeating what I know."

"You are a natural storyteller."

"Well there is another story behind Lyra as well if you must know."

"Really? Tell me."

"Well the story is that main stars in Lyra is Vega and Altair. According to Chinese mythology, Vega is Tchi-niu, the Weaving Princess, daughter of the King of Heaven, and Altair is Kien-niou, the King's Cowherd. These two fell in love and got married. Because they were so desperately in love, they neglected their duties to the kingdom. The King sensing unrest and distrust in his kingdom, banished them to opposites sides of the Celestial River, the Milky Way. Order was restored. However, legend has it that on the seventh night of the seventh year of every year, all the magpies in China join together to form a magical bridge that crosses the river, so that these two star crossed lovers can reunite for that one night. "

"How do you know so much about romantic mythology?"

"My mother wanted me to be well rounded."

Luke laughed at that.

"I have to say those are two of the most romantic stories, I've ever heard."

"Well, if you like tragedy, I guess they're fine."

"It's not about tragedy, Reid. It's about undying love. Even though both were separated, even in death and being ripped apart, they never stopped. "

"Somehow, I don't think we're talking about the stars anymore."

"I just think it's all very romantic."

Reid laid back once again and pointed out other constellations to Luke who listened intently to Reid's stories. After pointing out a few more, Reid didn't let go of his hand.

Luke pointed out a shooting star and told Reid to make a wish on it,

Reid just elbowed him in the side and told him was an idiot.

A few hours had passed by then and Reid and Luke had inexplicably gotten much closer.

Luke lay on his side and stared into Reid's eyes.

Suddenly lips were on lips and Reid's shirt was pulled out of his pants.

Before Reid could even think about the implications or stopping, Luke's shirt was also undone.

Then Reid felt skin on skin and everything he had been thinking was replaced with the need to be with Luke.

He felt Luke trailing kisses down his jaw to his chest and finally to his stomach. He could feel Luke taking his sweet slow time unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants.

Then his clothes were gone and Luke was making love to him with his mouth.

Reid's hands fisted in Luke's hair and just when he was about the reach the precipice of sweet release, Luke pulled back.

Reid was still gasping for breath trying to calm himself down.

He looked at Luke who was trembling.

"What's wrong, Luke?"

"I can't do this. Not like this."

"Why not?"

"Because, sex was never our problem. We are very good at that. Too good I think. We have issues that we have to work out, and having sex won't solve them. I love you and I want to be with you, but you don't trust me when I say that. And frankly, I can't blame you for that, considering how I acted with Noah for so many months. But I do love you and I won't stoop to bribing you with sex to get you to choose me. I know you had a reason for choosing your job, but now, all I want is for you to choose me."

Luke stood up, grabbed his clothing, put himself back together, and kissed Reid one last time, before leaving.

"By the way, I lied. The doors were never locked."

He disappeared.

Reid shuddered and laid back down,

"What the hell have I gotten myself into?"


	3. Chapter 3

Reid had a pounding headache and a hard on. He'd had both intermittently since the last time he had seen Luke.

He sighed and slumped at the kitchen table. Yet another night with shoddy sleep.

"Reid, why don't you just talk to him?"

"What the hell would I say, Katie?"

"The truth! Like that you love him and want to be with him."

"I do, but I can't."

"Yes, you can, Reid. You can do anything you want, you are just choosing not to."

"Fine, I won't."

"Why not?"  
"Because every time I let myself hope that this time will be different, that this time I finally got the guy, I wake up inevitably to find him gone. He's run back to the love of his life, who broke a fingernail, and needs someone to put a band aid on it for him."

"Reid, did you ever think that maybe Luke is telling the truth?"

"Yes, every damn day, but then I remember all the nights I woke up after we'd made love and he had snuck out to see him. And believe me, Katie, it got real old, quickly."

"I mean, think about it Reid. When was the last time Luke actually talked about Noah or mentioned being with him?"

"I don't know, because I don't ask. I don't want him to tell me when or how or why he is hanging out with Noah."

"It's just something to think about , Reid."

"Thanks for trying to help, Katie, but honestly I don't want to think about it anymore. What I need is to go to work and put this out of my mind."

"Good luck with that one, Reid."

Reid just waved her off as she headed out the door for work.

He headed to the bathroom to take a shower and to get ready for the day.

He had just stepped out and when the doorbell rang.

He figured it was either Doogie or Hank, both of which he would love to torment in his mood.

He opened the door with nothing on but a pair of scrub bottoms.

Luke stood in the doorway about to knock.

He stopped with his fist raised in mid air and stared at Reid's chest, which was still glistening with water drops.

Reid had a towel around his shoulders looking back.

"I take it there's a reason you look like you are about to punch me in the face?"

Luke snapped out of it then and lowered his hand,

He stammered for a bit, before getting out, "I'm just here to drop off paperwork for the wing."

"You could've left it at my office at the hospital."

"Well, you were on my way to the airport."

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah. I'm going to visit Noah at film school."

"Wait, when did Noah leave?"

"A few weeks ago. He entered his film into one of the festivals and they are spotlighting it and he really wanted me there with him since I helped him edit it. "

"Well, have fun with the boyfriend, Luke."

Reid started to close the door then but Luke stepped in before he could,

"I would stay, Reid. I would stay if you would only ask me too, but I know you are far too stubborn to actually admit that you may have been wrong about me. Nothing is going to happen when I go to visit Noah, and when I get back, I'm still going to be in love with you and I'm still going to want you to choose me. Just so you know. "

Luke stepped forward and lightly brushed his lips on Reid's before turning around and heading into the sunshine.

Reid watched as he went, willing himself to stop Luke, but he felt grounded in place. He couldn't say anything and he couldn't do anything. He simply watched Luke walk away.

The next two weeks seemed to drag on forever.

Katie knew he was missing Luke, but stayed out of his way for the most part.

He would purposely hang out around the nurses' station to hear if Blonde Nurse talked to Blonde Boy about Luke.

Reid knew they were close to Luke, but hell if he could remember their names. He only knew that it was at their wedding he nearly got shot and that Blonde boy was Bob's grandson.

He never got much information, until he was standing at the desk signing off on patients when blonde nurse was all a buzz about Luke returning from New York City with a man in tow, who wasn't Noah!

Reid nearly dropped his pen and could feel his face fall when she said that.

He turned around and went to his office and finished his paperwork there.

So, Luke is gone two weeks and has already found a man to not only replace me, but also Noah? He works damn fast.

Reid just shook his head bitterly and reminded himself that these are the moments that make you glad you are single.

Reid went another four days without seeing Luke, not that he was trying to avoid him or anything.

He was in Javas picking up coffee for work when he saw Luke and a strikingly handsome man come in with him.

Reid looked at them and could tell they were close, because they were joking around and Luke seemed to be flirting with him.

Luke happened to look up then and catch Reid's eye who quickly looked away and pretended as if he had not seen Luke.

Luke wasn't buying it though and grabbed the young man and pulled him forward so they were mere feet away from Reid.

Reid sighed and prepared himself to meet Luke's new man.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hi, Reid."

Reid braced himself then turned around to face Luke and the mystery man.

"Hello, Mr. Snyder."

Luke just rolled his eyes and motioned for the young man to come closer.

"I'd like you to meet my brother, Aaron."

"Your brother? You have more than one brother?"

"Yeah, I have five siblings actually."

"Hot mom pushed out five kids?"

"No, Aaron and I shared a dad."

"Good or bad dad?"

"Holden."

"So good dad, then."

Luke just rolled his eyes at Reid who was clearly baiting him.

Reid looked at Aaron who was trying to keep a straight face.

"So, Aaron, you actually escaped Oakhell and came back willingly?"

"Nice to meet you too, Reid. Actually, Luke dragged me back because our sister Faith is graduating high school."

"Ahh, so you were kidnapped too. Luke seems to have a problem with that concept of not kidnapping people."

Reid grabbed his coffee then from the barista.

"Well it was nice to meet you, Aaron. I found out that if you promise to brain surgery on his boyfriend, he's more willing to let you leave."

Reid flashed one of his sardonic smiles at Luke then and ducked out the door.

Reid felt like a fool. He had gotten jealous over his brother of all people.

I shouldn't be getting jealous at all. Luke and I are done. And I want it that way.

Reid couldn't help but look back through the window at Luke and Aaron. Aaron was ordering his coffee and Luke was staring back at him, with the same longing mirrored in his eyes.

Reid quickly broke the gaze and walked away.

An hour later, he was standing on the desk in his office trying to change the light bulb above his desk.

"You know, they have maintenance people to do that, Reid."

Reid nearly fell off the desk in shock.

He looked down to see Luke standing in his office.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Luke. Don't ever do that again. Were you trying to make me break my neck?"

Reid finished screwing the bulb in, replaced the cover, and jumped off his desk.

"What do you want, Luke?"

"I want to know why we aren't together, when it's clear that we both want each other."

"I think you already know the answer to that question."

"Noah is not the problem. He hasn't been the problem for a long time."

"Well then inform me, Oh wise one. What is the problem if not him?"

"The problem is you're scared."

"I'm the scared one?" Reid scoffed then in disbelief.

"Luke, you have no idea what you are talking about. I am not the scared one. You are the one who admitted to having feelings for me and then in the same breath informed me "but I'm in love with Noah." That but sealed the deal. You made your choice. It was him. You told him you wanted him back and that you loved him. And then when he didn't respond, you ran back to me to get comfort. Who the fuck does that, Luke? I wasn't running scared when I chose the hospital, I was protecting my heart, because I couldn't handle it being stomped on again. I fucking opened up to you and let myself be vulnerable for the first time in years, and you shit on it. So no, it's not called being scared. It's called trying to survive. Now get out of my office."

Luke stared at Reid in shock,

"Reid, I had no idea…"

"Really? You had no idea that you hurt me? And that should've been a huge warning sign to me then that I didn't stand a chance. A man who is so committed to everyone else and how they feel and their happiness and he couldn't be arsed to care about mine? And I was too stupid and hopeful to care.

Reid turned to look out the window.

"And I still do care. I care what you think about me. I care when I see you hurt and upset, and it hurts even more when I know that all the times I told you how I felt and when I asked you how you felt about me, you could never give me a straight answer. I thought I could give you time and space and you'd come to realize you felt the same, but every time you chose Noah and I still held on hope. And that isn't who I am at all. I changed for you, because I thought you would pick me and love me, but I was stupid and in the end, the only person ending up hurt and alone was me. So when Bob told me I could either see you or keep my job, I chose the job. You made it clear that you thought it was flattering that I had fallen for you, but you were still choosing Noah. "

By this time, tears were leaking from Reid's eyes , even as hard as he was trying to keep them at bay. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and he turned to leave.

Luke was crying too.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this then?"

"Because the last thing I wanted to do was let you feel sorry for me. All I wanted was your love, not your sympathy."

Reid walked to the door and placed his hand on the doorknob,

"You have your answer, Luke, please just accept it."

Reid turned and left.

He walked to the nearest supply closet and sat on a box. For the first time since he had decided he was going to walk away from Luke, he wept.

He cried for all the times he told Luke how he felt and Luke didn't respond, for all the times he had kissed Luke and Luke ran back or talked about Noah, and for the times that Luke had chipped away pieces of the walls around his heart, only to be the one to put them back in place.

He sat there for a good twenty minutes trying to recompose himself. He finally got control and went back to work, because it was the one thing that made him feel like he had a chance at beating the enemies that tried to destroy the brain.

By the time he was done, it was dark.

He walked out of the hospital to see Luke lying on the grass.

Reid made his way over to him to make sure he was still breathing, at least that was the excuse he concocted in his brain.

"Why are you laying in the grass, Luke?"

"Just trying to pick out constellations."

"Did you find any?"

"Just the Big Dipper."

"The Big Dipper isn't a constellation."

"Huh?"

"The Big Dipper is an asterism. It's part of Ursa Major, which is the constellation. "

"Why do you have to be such a know-it-all?"

Reid sighed and turned to leave.

"So point out Ursa Major to me."

Luke stood up and Reid took his left arm and extended it. He traced the outline with Luke's hand in the sky.

"It's a bear?"

"Yes. Ursa Major is the constellation of a bear."

"Any romantic love stories with that one?"

"Not so much, all the mythologies surrounding it are pretty much tragedy."

Reid dropped Luke's arm and turned to leave,

"Thanks for showing me the stars, Reid."

"Yeah, well someone has to correct you when you're wrong. Lord knows it's a 24/7 job."

"Very funny, Reid."

"I thought so."

Luke sat back down and looked up at the stars.

Reid turned to leave.

"Just so you know, Reid. I'll be here every night, if you want to show more constellations. I'm not going anywhere."

Reid felt his chest tighten. Luke was making this harder and harder each time.

He left then and when he fell into bed, he dreamed about showing Luke the stars and making love to him under them.

When he woke up the next day, he realized that it had been a dream, but he could swear it was real. He could feel the emptiness of his arms and the fleeting feeling of warmth on his skins and lips.

He clearly was losing his mind.

So he got up, took a shower to scrub away the memories and went to work. Another day to numb the mind and another day of paperwork to replace the feeling and thoughts of missing Luke.


	5. Chapter 5

For a week, every time Reid left work at night he'd see Luke lying in the grass tracing patterns in the sky, and each time he was surprised to see him. But each night he walked by without acknowledging him.

He was feeling stronger and stronger ever day. Every day he missed him less and less and he quit having dreams about Luke.

Then one night he came home and found a vase with flowers sitting against the wall beside his front door.

He picked the vase and note up, thinking they were for Katie and brought them inside.

He saw a note on the kitchen table,

Reid, I stocked the refrigerator today with all your sandwich fixings! Jacob and I are having dinner with Tom and Margo. See you later!

-Katie

Reid smiled knowing that Katie always bought his favorite bread and the spicy brown mustard, not the generic yellow stuff. He turned back to the table to put the envelope where Katie could see it and realized that the card said his name.

He had never received flowers before. With shaking fingers, he opened the envelope.

These are stargazer lilies. When I asked the florist what the meaning behind them was she said, "I see heaven in your eyes." A more traditional meaning is purity of heart. And when I look at you Reid, I see someone who doesn't play games. Someone who says what the mean and means what they say. You were always honest with me and I took you for granted. For that, I am truly sorry and something I regret every day. But know this, I do see heaven in your eyes and when you look at these, I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere.

-Luke

Reid sighed, put the flowers on the windowsill, and put the curtains over them.

The last thing he needed was a constant reminder of Luke. It was bad enough when he was at the hospital and he came across paperwork for the new wing and constantly saw his name.

Reid went back to making his sandwich. He ate it in silence watching the clock on the microwave. Time seemed to drag on forever.

So he cleaned up the kitchen, put the television on Animal Planet, and tried to turn his brain off for the evening.

Nothing worked though. Half an hour later, the sun had just gone down and Reid headed to his room.

He found the key almost immediately in a drawer.

He headed out then.

Ten minutes later, he pulled into the storage facilities and headed to his unit.

If Katie or Luke knew that he had sent for his things months ago and sold his condo, they would've thought he was crazy. Reid thought it now about himself.

He spent the next half an hour looking through his things until he found it in the back beside his treadmill.

He pulled it out, made sure it was okay, and left the building.

Once he was outside, Reid needed a place to go. A private place, one with no people and a clear view of the sky.

He drove around for a bit, until he came to a grassy field with a knoll.

He set his telescope up and made sure it was in focus.

He picked out Pleiades, and then focused on Orion. With his telescope, he picked out all the nebulas and other deep sky objects that existed in and around it.

If there was something he liked most in the world, it would be this.

He loved looking at the stars and knowing that the innumerable stars, even so very far away, were like companions. They made no noise, yet in their multitude, made their presence known. They came out each night, and even in the fog and haze of city lights and storms, were still there. Reid could always pull out his telescope and see the stars, beyond the haze.

It was strangely comforting knowing that when everything else in this world went to hell, the stars would not.

He lay on his back then in the tall grass and felt the cool breeze flow over him. He looked at the stars and silently thanked them for being there, when all else in his life failed him.

Reid started picking out patterns in the stars then. He slowly drifted off to sleep as he imagined lily after lily.

The next morning he awoke feeling more refreshed than he had in months. He packed up the telescope and headed back to the house.

As he reached his car, he found a note under the windshield,

Came across you last night when the dogs started barking. Don't mind if you use this field to stargaze, but make sure to let me know, so I don't get out of bed in the middle of the night for nothing.

-Holden Snyder

Of all the places I choose to stargaze, it has to be associated with Luke?

Reid hated the universe at that particular moment.

He refused to believe in fate and all that destiny crap.

So he went home and walked in to see Katie feeding Jacob.

As soon as he walked in, she burst out laughing.

"Reid, you do realize you have grass stains everywhere and grass in your hair, right?"

"Do I? No, I hadn't noticed."

"Oh my God, don't tell me. You and Luke had a roll in the grass? How kinky."  
"God no, Katie! Luke and I haven't rolled around in months and never in the grass."

"So why do you look like you've just been fucked?"

"If you must know, I spent last night stargazing and I fell asleep. Okay?"

"You stargaze? That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard from you, Reid Oliver!"

"I like looking at the stars. Nothing romantic about it."

"Are you kidding me? I'd die for a man who could pick the stars out and show them to me. Seriously, Reid. So romantic."

"Whatever. I have to take a shower and go to work. Don't want to show up looking like Sasquatch."

"When are you going stargazing again? I'd love to come."

"I have no idea. I need to find a different place than last night."

"Why?"

"Because it's property owned by Holden Snyder. Apparently his dogs woke him up last night because I was out in his field."

"Maybe, it's a sign, Reid."

"I don't believe in signs."

"Come one, Reid. I mean, you just happen to stargaze in a field owned by Luke's father? Sounds way too much like a sign to me."

"Yeah, well, I'll chalk it up to coincidence, and call it even."

"Whatever you say, Reid. Mark my words, one of these days, it will be too much for you to ignore."

Reid had a sinking feeling she may be right, but was more determined than ever to prove her wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

Reid lasted three weeks. He was able to ignore all of Luke's advances and all the signs the universe was sending him.

He hadn't been back to the field to gaze since the night Holden caught him, but late one night he couldn't sleep, so he took his telescope and made his way back to the site.

This time he had dog treats with him, so he could bribe the dogs to be quiet, and he could enjoy the stars in peace.

When he got there he saw a lone figure lying on the hill.

As he got closer he could see Luke lying on a blanket.

He walked over and looked down at Luke who was staring at the sky.

"How did you know I would be here tonight?"

"I didn't, Reid. But I found out from my dad that you had been here before. So I slept out here every night, hoping you would show up. This is the first time in three weeks."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Probably. I just, I don't understand what is going on with you, Reid. But, I'm not giving up on us. I know you chose your job and it's taken me time to understand where you're coming from, but I get why you did it. But I'm not giving up hope that one day you'll realize that I'm not going anywhere and that I'm in this completely. I want everything with you Reid, and if it takes me years of sleeping outside under the stars, until you come back to me, then I'll do it."

"I really wish you wouldn't do that, Luke. You can't put your life on hold because of me."  
"Why not, Reid? I love you and I want to be with you. And I don't know what I can do to make you realize it or to help you accept it."

"Luke, honestly, the majority of my problems have nothing to do with you. I'm a broken man. I was broken long before we met, and I'm no good to anyone, especially you, until I'm better."

"Reid, all humans are broken in some fashion. The great thing about love is that you have someone here to help you through anything."

"I can't, Luke."

Reid turned to see Luke quickly turn his face away, which was streaked with tears.

Reid grabbed Luke's faced and turned it gently back to him.

"Please don't cry, Luke."

"I'm sorry, Reid. I'm trying to be stronger. I just hate to see you hurting, knowing that I'm the reason for it, and that I can't help you is eating me alive."

"Luke, please don't blame yourself. My issues have been around since childhood. They aren't your fault and you can't fix them."

Luke looked at him with understanding and Reid felt his walls crumbling,

"I was always the smart child. I never had many friends, but when I was in third grade my teachers felt that I was anti-social and I rarely turned homework in. They thought I might have a learning disability, so I got my IQ tested. It came back off the charts. I was put in all the gifted and talented classrooms, and I found out I could be pick up nearly any instrument and play it with no previous experience. I was also a chess prodigy, and by the time I was in my early teens I had won nearly every major chess tournament in the world. My parents were so proud and they were also sticklers. My entire life was about school and chess and about being the best I could be. Then one day I realized what I was missing out on with not having friends or ever doing anything fun. So I quit playing chess and I refused to do anything extracurricular."

Reid quit speaking for a few seconds as he looked up at the stars,

"So my parents gave up on me. I was still brilliant, but I wasn't bringing in money or fame, like before. My parents went back to work and I quit getting any attention whatsoever from them. In fact my younger siblings got the attention. None of them were ever up to my capabilities, but my parents went to all their soccer games, recitals, and meets. I remember my birthday would come and my siblings would make me cards, and I never got any gifts. Christmas came and I would get nothing, while I watched my siblings opens up piles of presents. And knowing that you are a failure and a disappointment to your family is hard, no matter what age you are. So the only solace I found from the age of twelve to eighteen was at night. I would lie on the roof outside my bedroom window and watch the stars. They were the only unconditional thing in my life. When all else around me failed, when my parents decided I wasn't good enough, when people abandoned me, the stars were always there. It was so easy to find the constellations. A sign that everything was still the same and for a few hours each day, I wasn't alone.

So when I turned 18 I went to college and I never went back home until I found out my youngest sister had a brain tumor when I was in my freshman year of college. I hadn't declared a major yet, but I decided when they gave her less than six months, that I would do premed. I wanted to give other people more hope than my family had been given. When my sister died I finally went home for the funeral. And when I got there, it was as if time had forgotten all about me. My room had been made into a gym, all of my trophies from when I was younger were boxed up and long before put in the attic. It was as if I didn't know any of my family and they didn't know me. My parents blamed me for the loss of Sarah. If only I had declared a major sooner. If only I hadn't wasted my talent when I was younger, maybe I would've graduated early and been able to save her. For a nineteen year old freshmen in college that was a lot to deal with. So I left then and haven't been back since, not even when my mom died. I still hear their words in my head whenever I lose a patient. And I go back to that place of an insecure boy who feels as if everything bad that has happened to his family is his fault. And while it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, when I thought you chose Noah, I was right back there again. I felt like I wasn't good enough, like I had finally opened up to someone else for the first time since I was a child, and was hurt again. And the stars were the only thing that I had left. I didn't want to share those with anyone, least of all the man that hurt me."

Reid finally quit talking then.

Luke said nothing, but sat up instead.

He moved closer to Reid and held him.

Reid finally broke down and wept. For the loss of his sister, for being made to feel like her death was his fault, for the conditional love of his parents, for never being made to feel like he was worthy of love or affection.

After a few minutes he felt the tears subsiding. He noticed that Luke had his arm wrapped around his neck and with another around his waist, holding him tightly.

He finally relaxed into Luke's embrace.

He could feel Luke's fingers at the nape of his neck gently massaging him.

His heart was still heavy, but he wasn't carrying around the weight of his emotions any longer.

Luke said nothing, just letting Reid sit there.

Reid finally looked up to see Luke looking at him with tenderness.

Reid couldn't help himself and kissed Luke who moved both his hands to Reid's face.

"Thank you, Luke."

"For what?"

"For just letting me be."

"I love you, Reid. I have never been so grateful to anyone before in my entire life."

"Grateful for what?"

"That you chose me to open up to. I know that you are a very private person and the fact that you opened up to me and allowed yourself to be vulnerable. It's a gift I will never forget."

Reid sighed and lay back down. Luke settled in next to him.

The next thing he heard was Luke's voice,

"Ah! why, because the dazzling sun  
Restored our earth to joy  
Have you departed, every one,  
And left a desert sky?

All through the night, your glorious eyes  
Were gazing down in mine,  
And with a full heart's thankful sighs  
I blessed that watch divine!

I was at peace, and drank your beams  
As they were life to me  
And revelled in my changeful dreams  
Like petrel on the sea.

Thought followed thought star followed star  
Through boundless regions on,  
While one sweet influence, near and far,  
Thrilled through and proved us one.

Why did the morning dawn to break  
So great, so pure a spell,  
And scorch with fire the tranquil cheek  
Where your cool radiance fell?

Blood-red he rose, and arrow-straight  
His fierce beams struck my brow:  
The soul of Nature sprang elate,  
But mine sank sad and low!

My lids closed down, yet through their veil  
I saw him blazing still;  
And steep in gold the misty dale  
And flash upon the hill.

I turned me to the pillow then  
To call back Night, and see  
Your worlds of solemn light, again  
Throb with my heart and me!

It would not do the pillow glowed  
And glowed both roof and floor,  
And birds sang loudly in the wood,  
And fresh winds shook the door.

The curtains waved, the wakened flies  
Were murmuring round my room,  
Imprisoned there, till I should rise  
And give them leave to roam.

O Stars and Dreams and Gentle Night;  
O Night and Stars return!  
And hide me from the hostile light  
That does not warm, but burn

That drains the blood of suffering men;  
Drinks tears, instead of dew:  
Let me sleep through his blinding reign,  
And only wake with you!"

Reid was captivated by the sound of Luke's voice reciting poetry to him.

"That was Stars, by Emily Bronte."

"Why in the world did you memorize that?"

"Because I wanted you to know that you are my dream, and when I dream, you and I, we're among the stars. That's where we're at our best. I think my lot in life is to love you. So that's what I'm going to do. Until the end of time. No matter what it takes, no matter how many nights I sit and look at the stars alone, I will be here waiting for you. And when you finally come back to me and realize that our love is one for a lifetime and realize how perfectly we fit together, you'll realize that it was written in the stars. Then you'll come back to me and we'll look up at the stars together and you'll see that the constellations have been right where they've always been, silent and patient and unyielding, a sign guiding us. That's when you'll realize that I'm never going to leave you, and even if we are somehow separated, we'll always find our way back to one another. And if I die before you, I'll wait for eternity, for you to join me, and we'll be the stars in Lyra, and we'll be the long lost lovers who find their way back to one another, and we'll look down on some couple who is going through what we are now, and we'll be the guiding lights that show them true love never dies. That is why I memorized that poem."

Reid's heart was light for the first time in over twenty years. He no longer felt the weight of the world on his soul.

He looked into the deep brown eyes of the man he loved and knew there was no malice or insincerity in what he had said.

Luke was in love with him, and wanted to not only try something with him, he wanted eternity.

He tried to formulate words to express what Luke's words meant to him, but the only thing that came out was,

"I love you."

Luke's eyes flew open in shock.

Then he was in Reid's arms and was kissing him like he had never done before.

"I love you, more."

Reid sat up and pulled Luke up next to him.

"I'm being serious, Luke. I'm in love with you. And I'm not one to say things flippantly. It may take me some time to be completely over all my trust issues, but I want everything with you. I want it all. I want to fight and make up, and to buy a house together, and one day I want to marry you and have kids. So please, just give me time."

"I would wait for you, forever, Reid. You are the Eurydice to my Orpheus."

"Wait a minute, what makes you the guy?"

"The fact that you're the one making me wait!"

"I guess. Just do me a favor. The day we get married, can you check the grass for snakes?"

"We'll get married on pavement."

Reid was laughing at that when Luke attacked him with his tongue.

They spent the rest of the night making love under the stars.

They were married a year later, with no grass in sight. They bought their house, had their kids, and every night, until Reid passed away, they lay outside watching the stars.

Some people say when they see Lyra, they see Vega and Altair, the two main stars winking at each other, that it is two long lost lovers making their way to each other.

Those who knew their story well believe it is Reid and Luke, proclaiming their everlasting love, as a sign for all lovers who may have lost their way.


End file.
